So you’ve taken advantage of Wiseacre’s curbside pick-up and delivery system, and now you’re headed home with a case of cold ones to enjoy—but how will you do your brew justice? Last Friday, we went live with the Bartosch Brothers on Instagram, and they gave us some insight into their offerings; AKA we mapped out an entire day’s worth of beer drinking. While that’s something we don’t condone, we learned a little something—and we we’re here to help learn something too.
*posters not pictured: Xanadu and Qwerty
Shoutout to my buddy, and beer buff, Keith Montgomery for assisting with this post 🍻
Morning: Cold Brew
Feel no shame about cracking open this cold one while on your kick-off video conference call! Just as the can reads, this isn’t beer, but a coffee cold brew that’ll give you that extra energy needed for a long day at the home office. Best enjoyed over ice, this baby’s buttery and refreshing—but make sure to only have one, lest you desire to be cracked out on caffeine.
Morning Snack: Regular, Lord Skylark, Prank Calls to Satan
You’ve had a strong kickoff, you’re breezing through those emails, and you’re settling into your second Zoom meeting of the day—but hunger strikes and thirst closely follows, and you’re not quite ready for lunch. Might we suggest a small snack to tide you over until then? Since you’ve had your coffee, it might be time to switch to tea—and Lord Skylark could be the direction you want to go in. This Earl Grey Tea Pale Ale has a distinct Froot Loop quality to it, in a delightful way, to help you transition from morning to afternoon.
Regular (another pale ale) and Prank Calls to Satan (a black IPA) are both bursting with fruit flavors, so you can substitute them for fresh-squeezed juice. Regular presents nice mango/pineapple notes with a bit of dankness. Prank Calls hits you upfront with the toastiness (like a stout, but not as heavy), and finishes with pineapple and cherry.
Pair all three of these with some late morning charcuterie. Crackers, cured meats, and sharp cheeses will complement all 3 of these bad boys.
Afternoon Snack: Tiny Bomb & Memphis Sands
Time to take it down a notch. It’s just the afternoon! Pace yourself.
Tiny Bomb is one of the world’s best pilsners (actual FACT). The best water makes the best beer, and we’ve got that right here in our city. Pilsners are clean, crisp, and bright. Fun fact: have you noticed the honeycomb on the bomb in the can art? It’s a nod to the local wildflower honey used to sweeten this baby up.
Memphis Sands, Tiny Bomb’s little brother, is a beer even your grandfather will love. It’s the perfect tailgating, porch-sitting, yard-mowing, boat-cruising, and bike-riding beer out there. It’s the guy at the party that everyone loves to be around. You can never, and I really mean never, go wrong with a Memphis Sands. And its packaging is a nod to our beloved aquifer.
Pair these two with any damn thing you want… but you can’t go wrong sipping this with an order of Central BBQ wings or a pulled pork sandwich.
Lunch: Adjective Animal, The Beach Within Reach, Boomslang
Here’s where things get crazy.
Adjective Animal is like if a pack of Skittles and Ananda had a baby. It’s a tropical rainforest of fruitiness. Due to the hops being added later (and even after fermentation), you get less bitterness, but more flava-flav and aroma. Orange… pineapple… grapefruit… pine even… all lurking inside that beautiful pink can. It’s deceptive at 8.6%, so tread lightly because it’s only lunch time—or don’t. I’m not your mom.
Boomslang… the “Belgian style IPA”. Most American yeast strains are known for their mild contributions, letting the hops do most of the talking. Belgian yeast strains, however, like to put on a show. So the difference between a Belgian IPA and an American IPA is usually the yeast (and sometimes the hop/malt choices). All that to say, Boomslang hits different. Take the things you love about IPA’s, but toss in a little more pepper and spice—maybe a touch of clove? Boomslang also employs Sorachi Ace hops (you wouldn’t know her, she goes to a different school) that impart a really nice dill note. It sounds weird, don’t think briney like pickles. Think… something else.
The Beach Within Reach is the first beer on the list that uses a different type of bug for fermentation. Lactobacillus is a souring bacteria (don’t worry, it’s safe), and it is the magic that makes The Beach so freaking refreshing. Sip it with your eyes closed and I’ll bet you’ll start hearing the sounds of waves crashing against the shore. It’s tart. It’s not “lemon warhead” sour though, so it’s a good introduction to beers outside of the norm.
Adjective Animal would mesh well with a club sandwich or grilled cheese, Boomslang is calling on you to whip up some tacos, and The Beach Within Reach (the wild card of the bunch) would do well alongside a poké bowl.
Dinner: Xanadu & Starless
By dinner time, the whole day starts to feel a bit hazy—like that “what did I even get done today” type feeling. Might as well have a hazy IPA to add to the air of mystery! That’s where Xanadu comes in! She’s citrus-y, and tastes a little sweet, but hides the full spectrum of her personality behind that opaque golden curtain that she welcomes you peek through.
I tricked myself into believing that all dark beers are heavy, but Starless hit me with those Drake hands, saying “Not me, sis” Ranked #4 out 68 in a blind testing of dark lagers, we thankful that such greatness even exists. With hints of dark chocolate and coffee, and a slightly bitter bite, this beer projects the demeanor of an adult Coca-Cola who’s lived a little, and seen some things.
Try pairing Xanadu with seafood, stir fry, or stacked plate of roasted veggies—and make Starless your pizza pal, or take advantage of Chef Tam’s take-out menu!
Dessert: Qwerty & Gotta Get Up To Get Down
The end of the day has arrived, and you’re feeling quite gluttonous. Hopefully you have snacks nearby!
We’re going to start quieting down with Qwerty, a Norwegian style Altbier that showcases a distinct caramel maltiness—and cap off the day with Gotta Get Up to Get Down, an intense coffee stout that’s got a whole lot of body. While Qwerty starts sweets and finishes dry, GGUGD kicks you with that vanilla-coffee charisma right off the bat and calms down with a slightly sweet finish.
Both of these malty mamas would do well with cookies, brownies, popcorn, or chocolate covered strawberries if you’re fancy.